Your Dog Isn’t Cute. It’s A Fucking Shit Demon.
I’m sure there’s some of you out there that may have gone through something like this, or even worse are going through something like this. Which for you, I’m sorry. I’m going through the same bullshit right now too, and believe me when I say, “Somebody has to pay!”. I don’t care who, autistic babies, small cute animals, or even God’s second child Tim fucking Tebow! THAT’S how much I’m willing to give up when it comes to this topic.
My roommate finds it necessary to own two small dogs. Already annoyed huh? Yeah me too. Little fuckers. These two obnoxiously cute little retards constantly have to be running around, playing with their toys, and looking at people with their big cute eyes like: “Look how fucking cute we are! Aren’t we the best!?!” No. No you’re not the fucking best you fuzzy little cunt and let me tell you why.
Ever since you moved in here you’ve had it easy. You don’t have to buy food, or clean up after yourself, you never take your turn being the designated driver or pitching on weed, etc… You’re kind of like a Kardashian except poor. And what about the most basic things we must do in order to live and function in society today? Like get a job… Yeah you really slide by on that little modern day staple don’t ya? Let’s go even more basic, how about sharing? Nope. Not with you, greedy little grease ball. I’ve got one more for ya…
What about shitting in the toilet? Huh? You ungrateful little turd burglars. You stay warm, fed, housed and lazy because of us and this is how you repay us? By dropping 2-3 anal nukes in the middle of the T.V. room when nobody’s around? THAT’S A FUCKING HEALTH HAZARD! And I, for one, am sick of it! Tip toeing around in the middle of the night because I’m scared of where the next moonpie mine lays. How about I pinch a loaf the size of your torso in your kennel and let you try to defuse it?
The war is on, tiny dogs, and I’m gonna shit all over you. It’s fucking war.
